Ho Ho Ho

Mike, the old guy who does maintenance where I work has had an illustrious life. At least that’s what I think. For someone 72 years old, and who’s lived through a World War, the advent of the jetliner, Elvis to Nirvana, a few Labour and National governments, rock and roll to hip hop, changing landscapes, a marriage and a few deaths, two cars and a boat, from coastguard to owning a dairy, the introduction of the computer age, and more recently the Asian invasion of Auckland, he’s a guy who’s seen the most tremulous part of the frail part of life we call human history.

And he’s lonely for Christmas eve.

So being in the same boat as he was, I proffered a dinner. He was doing night duty at Quest on Mount, and had a room with an oven, microwave…the works. Turned out I didn’t have to do anything at all. He offered half a dozen beers and a microwave dinner. Might as well, I thought.

So there I was sitting with an empty stomach filled with two Stella Artois, half-charmed and relaxed as he told me everything from how the current manager was being a dick to how his wife left him. Which was sad, really.
10 grandfather stories later, I found out I couldn’t really concentrate. My mind was wandering too far. I excused myself and stood at the balcony on his 13th floor apartment, taking in the breathtaking view of Auckland and the harbour beyond. I hadn’t lit my cigarette but I smelt smoke anyway. It struck me that I was in apartment 13C, right next to 13B. That particular one holds some significance. It’s the one where Jason (the desperado engineering student from Hong Kong who does maintenance as well) lost his ability of speech when Penny walked out of the shower with just a towel around her.

Penny and her mom have been living in apartment 13B for more than a month now. Her mom’s the girlfriend of a guy who’s here on business, though he doesn’t look it. Quite frankly, her mom’s an older version of she is, which says a lot seeing she’s as hot as a coal in hell. They left the cold winter of England to steam up New Zealand with their presence. Every time she walks by the little cubicle they call the reception area, she smiles. Just that split second is enough to make me return the smile for an hour more. Of course, I’d be smiling to myself but it’s a good thing she doesn’t know it.

Anyway Penny was out on her balcony.

“Hey Penny, er, merry Christmas.”

“Hey,” she started up.

“Erm, you, er, no plans for tomorrow, no, tonight?”

“Nah, it’s just me and my mom tonight. Thought of some pub maybe.”

“I thought you had a date today?”

“Huh?”

“That guy you were walking out with today. I, er, saw you with a guy. A guy…er…some guy?”

“What guy?”

“I could swear there was a guy…”

At this point I felt my face burn and I’m certain it wasn’t because of the beer or the sunburn I got from surfing at Raglan two days before. Oh shit, she knows I notice her every move like some perv.

“Hahaha, no, just me and my mom tonight.”

“Auckland must be full of guys huh…I mean, anyone you wanted to go out with.”

“Hahaha yeah I guess. What are your plans for tonight?”

“Nothing…just me and Mike. Two lonely guys…” (At this point I realized how sad I sounded.)

“Well, I’ll holler from here if you wanna come along.” (Cue mindblowing smile.)

In my head was a Hanson concert at full blast with people swaying to the chorus of "Penny and Me".

And I watched her disappear back into the room, those mini denim shorts capping a blur of perfect long legs.
And so I resigned myself to a long night ahead with Mike for company. But a Nutcracker musical and some Brittany Murphy movie later, I had had enough. I took my leave and left. Poor Mike. This was supposed to be his night, not mine.

Right now I’m back home. Home alone for Christmas Eve. Julien’s friends from France flew over today; they’re going on a round trip around New Zealand. The only saving grace was the pastis (anise liqueur, but tasted like anus liquor ) that went through the customs. Now I’m tipsy, lonely, and going to bed.

Shit I’m hungry. What I wouldn’t give for a good hot meal with good company my age.

So long, farewell, auf weidersehn, goodnight.

I wonder where Penny is tonight.

I Love Opai

Yesterday I went out drinking with friends for the first time. Well, not really friends friends as in one huge bunch of pimping friends friends since it was just another two guys and Darren was the only one I knew. The other guy was a Jap guy named Shingo or something...Darren's flatmate. It all started when I ajaked Darren to go see Guy Cater, this hypnotist who had a free show in the Uni's student bar.It was the first time I was in there...quite surprised they didn't ask for my ID. Jugs of Tui (the local brew) were only at $5, and a jug had about 3 mugs in it. So not bad, not bad...Still cheap after conversion, considering it's a bar. So us three Asian guys waited at a lil corner table for the fun to start.Guy Cater (that's his real name) is this balding guy with a ponytail, whose wife was assisting him with the music. HE WAS HILARIOUS. He asked for a group of volunteers, who filled up the semi-circle of seats on stage. He then proceeded to explain how he was going to hypnotize them. You know how sometimes when you drive and you suffenly realise you have no recollection of the last 5 kms? Same principle - neither awake or asleep. It took only about minutes for him to put them all under. There were 2 very willing girls in the volunteer circle who totally added fun to the thing due to their very short skirts. Guy reminded us that no one under hypnotism will do anything against their principles...then quipped that no one in Vesbar had principles anyway. The most hilarious part was when this guy's impersonation of Shania Twain. You could tell he actually was a closet fan in real life...he mouthed all the words EXACTLY. There was also the part where Guy gave them all spectacle frames and told them they were X-ray glasses...and they'd be able to see the opposite sex completely naked.Their faces were hilarious.One guy went so far as to ask for those glasses again. Guy gave him a pair then told him that those glasses would only make him see other guys naked. The fucker's face was damn funny...he actually screamed. Of course, needless to say at the end of the whole thing I felt as though my stomach was gonna explode. The worst part of it all was that Guy allowed them to remember what a fool they made of themselvesI bought two jugs to share and had two of my own. Needless to say that when I was done I didn't walk home...I staggered. Past all the main city streets. I was impressed at myself for not letting my bladder blow. So that was that.Oh, and I learnt a new phrase: "Onatawa gu opai suki". I hope I got it right. It means "I love breasts". I had more fun that night than all the nights out I had combined since coming here.That's me for now. Mish you all.

You're Beautiful

You can’t expect me to be the person you want me to be all the time. I’m at the brink of many a time I thought I’d be, and I’m fearing it all the same. The thought of what would be, what should be, what is and what was is all too much for me to bear. It’s just the thought that I would rather forsake courage and the societal stereotype of what I’m supposed to be rather than bear with what is here and now.

There’s so much I want to tell, but so little courage. Listen to my ramblings then. Judge me if you must. It’s only human. It’s human for you to judge, but let the record show that you must judge my right to be afraid as well.

The times I long for what could have been, I still cherish in my heart. What I make of it though, is a completely different matter. Do I take it as something I’ll strive for one day, forsaking you; or should I take it as what could have been a beautiful mistake? Time and time again, I’m reminded by circumstances and the beautiful people I meet that life is short, and whatever they say about heaven and hell, well, there still is one, and only one, middle ground on which we stand on. This phase in existence we call life. This finite plane of infinite possibilities, the irony of eternity and mortality all rolled into one. I did not choose this existence, nor this life, and I certainly don’t want the responsibility of seeing it to the end. But we have no choice. And you must understand that I’m terrified of fucking this up. Certainly not with the idea of you.

It’s you and me, and in lieu of this finite time we had together, I’ve always felt bound by this to eternity. Bound, you and me – bound as one. I’m losing my existence to you day by day, and the more I do so I’m so afraid I’ll never be able to pull back. Do I want to rip it apart? The more I delve deeper and deeper into what is your beautiful soul the more I risk my own. I’m beginning to see through your eyes, the beauty in which you view my world puts everything into a different perspective. You’re taking my complications and making them your ruby butterflies.
What’s simple is true. What’s me is you.

At the end of the day, all I want is to be happy. Help me out here. I want you the way you are. I hope you feel exactly the same way too.

My life is brilliant.My love is pure.I saw an angel.Of that I'm sure.She smiled at me on the subway.She was with another man.But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do,'Cause I'll never be with you.Yeah, she caught my eye,As we walked on by.She could see from my face that I was,Fucking high,And I don't think that I'll see her again,But we shared a moment that will last till the end.You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do,'Cause I'll never be with you.You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.There must be an angel with a smile on her face,When she thought up that I should be with you.But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

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