the remedy is the experience

i've had kinda weird dreams these days
dreams that make sense and dreams that don't
her parents kinda found out about me and i don't really feel comfortable
it's been 8 months now and the longer i wait for the revelation the longer i feel uneasy

had to choose my electives today...
and kinda wanted to do all business/marketing ones
maybe cuz her dad's the medical doctor
and i'm just a kid who does advertising and rides a bike
guess i'm just not parent-approved...never will be

she sent me the most amazing SMS
telling me she's love me no matter what other people say
the kinda thing that makes guys actually think about commitment and what that word means to them
and the fact that she will be gone for 4 years doesn't make it any easier
so you can't blame the dreams...i guess
nightmares more like it

having exams now and so much still on my mind
got the scholarship but have to think of how to support myself
kinda fucked up but i've been spending too much lately
the kinda spending that one has when one realizes that every day may be the last
last of what i don't know

feel like i'm coming round the bend
another major turning point in my life
wish me luck
i think i'm growing up

Sprite Girl

we sat at the balcony of my place
looking out into the night
opposite us, barely 20 metres away and a storey below
were the neighbourhood kids lighting candles and lanterns
three candle stubs illuminated her face
her expression frightened me

an hour ago a box of religious/household/blackout/multipurpose candles had been bought
broken in two with the help of the balcony ledge and a butterfly knife
two PCs were left on upstairs and downstairs
with an assignment in progress left hanging
the burden of a deadline a breath away
both flickering monitors a testimonial to a week's worth of sleepless nights
and a very bad mood

a day ago were plans swimming in the head of one seated in front of a flickering monitor
plans of a couple sitting in the middle of a basketball court
surrounded by a circle of multi-coloured candles
songs on a pair of lips
and words of love in another
gazing at a moon so brightly illuminated by the sun's indirect effervescence
the spewing of cosmic beauty
dimly reflected as an icon of something we could never fully grasp
or gaze directly towards
a symbol of a very mortal life
reflected by a divine love
the very same love that mortal mind hoped to share the following night

a week ago were whispered words in the night
the comfortable settling in of tangled limbs
and ruffled hair
a stolen kiss, a rendevous
a last glimpse of an object of affection before night came in and stole consciousness away

but right now the night lay damp and humid
little trickles of the earlier drizzle came through the gutter
and was now wetting the candle box
and the half-smoked cigarette
the air was tepid and full of tension
of the unspoken emotions

i can't blame her
it was just the wrong time
i wouldn't be able to tell her there and then that it was my fault
and that i had wonderful plans that night
if it wasn't for the many obligations that came my way
just wanted to tell her i loved her but i couldn't
and that i was just too tongue-tied with my ego in the way to actually tell her

that i was sorry
and that i'll try to make it up someday
which hopefully, will be tomorrow
if you're not still angry at me