the big gamble

my roommate loves to gamble
he buys big sweep and 4D numbers
i've watched his endeavours with interest
to be honest, i've had hopes in him winning
(especially since i've a 50% share in his big sweep tickets)
the last count was 5 million Ringgit
which is quite a big sum
until i realized one thing

gamblers don't know the meaning of losing

see, people who gamble or bet or have stakes in something
(which basically means the same thing, and basiclaly means me)
always think of it as...
"hey, i didn't get it this time. let's try again"
and never...
"I LOST. why don't let's try something else."
like working, for instance
they see it as not winning or winning
and never the other extreme

see, my roommate hit on my sister before
to him it was a game of love
to me it was a gamble
he's bitter now, from unrequited "love"
though i see it as just bitter from "losing"

she didn't ask for it, he didn't expect it
that's the way gambling is anyway
not that he didn't put in effort
in the money he spent on the countless tickets he bought
nor the times he spent in a rumbling bus on the way back to my hometown
not that it isn't justified
just that it isn't fair to blame the institution
nor the girl who doesn't return the emotions

life isn't a gamble
there is always losses or winnings
and never the in-betweens
maybe i count myself lucky
i won once
do i choose water over wine
and spend my winnings on trivial pursuits
or invest it wisely?
this time i count myself forgiven
and use it to the best of my wisdom
which i hope i am doing

for she is the highest stake i have played without knowing it
and basking in the winnings is the hardest thing i have ever done
also without knowing it