Friday, September 03, 2004

quarter life crisis

today i went to college in a shirt and tie, black leather shoes and a real clean pressed slacks
for no particular reason
maybe i was feeling a little sentimental and missed intership
yeaaahh right
miss fernandez said i looked clinical
and i felt fine

she had nothing to teach after two hours
same...bet she had other stuff to do apart from actually preparing notes
so she asked us what were we gonna do after IACT
i realized i didn't know
i realized i wasn't prepared
and she smiled at me and asked me
so i told her i had all the answers
but now i have all the questions
and funny how my life seemed the other way around
i've never been so confused
but i felt fine

during discussions i felt purposeful, grown up
didn't know if the threads i had were helping
but in psychology i bet they would
dream interpretation today
i wondered if i would dream of things to come
but those are dreams
and maybe dreams are all they would be
but right now i was ok
i felt fine

boring technical night class on print production
and there i learnt about CMYK, plates, film, half-dot, bromide proofing and it's chromatic, wet, digital, xerox proofing, colour separation, rubber blankets, Quark and davinci, Unix, offset, diecutting and all the weird stuff (oh, yeah, spot colour)
and after that it was time to explore a new place
Borneo in the City was incredible
and in my shirt and tie, enjoying a Thai Cheese Baked Lamb Chop
i felt fine

we sent an SMS at the same time
for the first time
and the first time in the soon ending day
and i realized how soon i was going to lose her
and how soon i was going to get her back
it was a whole new future looming ahead of me
with so much responsibilities
so little time
and her around...God, i can't just leave her to starve right?
i knew what lay ahead of me
and part of me dreaded it
part of me wanted to be there
and i realized how much i had wasted my life
and how much i wanted those days, those months, those years back

all these within a simple, mundane day
(yeah, my brain is kinda fucked)

and now i don't really feel fine

1 Comments:

Blogger Enche Ibster said...

wow, thought im the only person who felt that...the unpreparedness towards the working days..it seems as if all of seniors in iact looked ready and know what they really want...

9/04/2004 5:56 am  

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