caught in between the elephants

this is a time in my life where i am pulled in two directions

there is a part which has been earned over much time and effort
where much has been spent and much more sacrificed
many tears cried and much resolve to make things right
the achievement of a state i never thought i would regain
a state so comfortable and beautiful
which i once took for granted
and is once again in the temptation of being taken for granted once again

i could never have imagined i'd be able to come back to the place where i started
a state of innocence so beautiful

a wrong turn in the right direction

then there is another part which has been a thorn in the side
not so much a lesion but a passion
a yearning, suffering for what i know i should become
which ironically, i gave up innocence for
an elusive subject of my love which i never found
but now have
a subject of unrequited infatuation
who can only embody everything and everyone i ever wanted to be
so perfect
too perfect
finally revealed in a time a little too late

a right turn in the wrong direction

i have the mark of Two
firmly grasped in my left fist
half hidden from the world
another half a plain indication of who i have become

never thought that there would be the year of jubilee
in my lifetime, in my fervent waking hours
pulled in between two directions
should comfort be over hope
and ignorance be bliss
rather than to eat the fruit and be enlightened by sin

too much too little
crying tears of happiness
to be cruel to be kind

that's enough oxymorons for the day

no turnings left in the right direction.