narcolepsy

train of thought
nothing much...just
one of those days where i just want to wake up
the past few days all seem like a dream
like those moments in sleep where you know you're asleep
which is already the weird part
'cuz when you're dreaming you're not supposed to know you're asleep
but somehow you're conscious of the real world
and before you know it you open your eyes...and though you think it's only 2AM it's already 8 in the morning
and you realize you didn't catch a wink of sleep
and the rest of the day becomes the dream

it's surreal
i can't tell dreams from reality anymore
if i were to believe what they say...and that dreams are a extension of waking life
does that mean that waking life can be an extension of my dreams?
or rather...i'm living a dream in life itself
the sudden rush...the knowledge that everything seems so fake
not perfect but rather surreal
and that one day i'll wake up and realize i slept through a year
losing a whole year
it's so real
ironic that the realization i'm gonna wake up is more real than living life itself
is it a fact that the mind cannot process truth?
that we are all better off living a lie
a lie of denial and routine
a lie that life is just all about who we are

the same familiar faces
the same path i take to college
the same clothes i wear
the same pretty girls that walk by
the same things i own
the same work i do
the same obligations
the same commitments
the same recreations
the same thoughts
the same dreams
the same ambitions
the same feelings of "am i trying too hard here?"

bet you've heard this before
bet you think this is another intellectual discussion going on here...pointless as it may be
bet you think...not another nutcase, or
"you think too much"
bet you've went through this before yourself

bet you've never wondered why...if everyone feels the same...why isn't anyone doing anything about it?

oh sure, you've changed.
so have i.
another new routine.
another old new day.
circles is what they call it.

and there are people like me who wait for their next big fix
some of them find them in new friends
some in new relationships
some in a new job or change of environment
some in a new pointless hobby
some in fucking someone new
some in a new TV show

and life goes on...like mine. hey, not like i'm gonna die or anything.
so what if life's a routine? as long as it's good.
or as long as i get my fix when i need it.
big big monkey everyone's a junkie.

maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
where can you run to escape from yourself
where're you gonna go?

salvation is Here.